you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
