I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
