It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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