But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
