sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
