The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sarcasm needs its own font
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
