I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Porn is love you can see.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
