I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Randomize
