she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize