I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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