My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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