My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
