I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
