whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
