I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Vodka?
Forever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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