She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
