she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
