i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Alive.
So much puke
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
