dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
