Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
