I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
