i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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