It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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