So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize