i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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