I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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