Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
