I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
