I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
