omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
please don't ironically join a cult
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