just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i now understand why vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
