tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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