just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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