everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
