Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize