He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
