ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
