i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
3 2 1 whiskey
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize