I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
