oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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