got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
