He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
