happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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