What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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