This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
