nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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