And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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