So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
