my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
