conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
