walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
