we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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