we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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