So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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