Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
