woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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