On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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