Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
