did you get engaged???
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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