I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
