you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
