I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
