i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
