I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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