am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
