ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ladies don't puke and tell
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
