i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You took a bar mat shot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
