help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
