Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
